What is Happiness? Where is your Paradise?

I'm moving to Hawaii for three years while I get my BS. Many react to my news with jealousy and excitement. You'd think I'd be just as excited, if not more, and I am..sometimes. Or at least I was.
In the beginning I was ecstatic now I just feel worried, scared, nervous, unsure, sad, and panicked. I haven't been sleeping, I've been having panic attacks, nightmares, second thoughts... I'm obsessing over all of the unknown factors and negative possible outcomes. Time is flying by and I'm not ready. Once I'm there I know it will be easier, it's the anticipation is killing me.
People tell me that I'll do fine and I have nothing to worry about; I know they're probably right. That doesn't seem to make my anxiety go away.
They tell me I should be happy that I have the chance to study in paradise. But what if that isn't MY paradise? What if I don't like being stuck in the middle of the worlds biggest ocean drenched from hot humid weather? What if my paradise is right here with my family in beautiful Southern California where I have the option to take road trips whenever, to wherever I want?
What if I'm not happy there? I guess I can always force myself to pretend I'm happy. Train my brain to make a new paradise.

What's your paradise? Is it a picture perfect magazine spread?
Because mines not.
Is that what happiness is supposed to be?
If it is, then I'm broken.

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